Family Acuity

Choosing to Do Something for Infertile Couples

Mon, 17 Jan 2011 13:00:44 +0000

I wanted to share the article written by Pregnant With Hope Author: Susan Radulovacki

In a recent sermon, Andy Stanley, pastor of Northpoint Church, urged his listeners to consider this New Year’s resolution:

“Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.”

He was acknowledging the paralysis many people experience in the face of what seem to be intractable problems. “What can anyone do to fix this?” people ask. When the answer is too overwhelming to contemplate – or when a solution appears literally impossible – they give in to defeat, often without doing anything.

But God calls us to do something.

Eloise Drane is a living example of the power of doing for one what you wish you could do for everyone. Several years ago, she donated a kidney to her cousin. He died soon afterward from an uncontrolled infection. Despite the heartbreak of that loss, she was changed by the joy of giving a part of herself so selflessly.

Less than a year later, having had four childen of her own (with no fertility issues), she realized there were virtually no resources available for infertile people of color. So, she decided to become an egg donor. Thanks to her willingness to do what many African-Americans weren’t even willing to consider, three babies were born to couples who otherwise might never have become parents.

Eloise felt called to do more. So, she agreed to be a surrogate for a couple she “met” through the internet. Her husband felt conflicted about her decision. He asked her pointblank: “Do you need to rescue everyone?!” She explained that God had put a burden on her heart for couples who could not conceive, and she felt compelled to do something in response. After a long discussion, he agreed to support her decision.

It took three transfers, but she conceived and delivered twins.

Last October, she contacted me through the PregnantWithHope.com website. We began talking about her sense that God is calling her to lead a support group for infertile couples using the book Pregnant With Hope as the basis for discussion. This would be a different approach – helping more than one couple at a time. Did I think struggling couples would accept a “fertile” as their leader? Could she support them in meaningful ways if she hadn’t experienced infertility herself?

We agreed to keep talking and praying about the decision. In the meantime, she agreed to a second surrogacy in the hope of helping another couple. The transfer went smoothly, but there was no pregnancy. She was devastated.

“I was so invested in this,” she told me, “and so sure it was going to work for them.” Her grief surprised her with its intensity — giving her new insight into the rollercoaster emotions infertile couples experience. I believe that was the blessing-in-disguise in this failed attempt.

The experience equipped her to empathize more completely, and to talk more comprehensively about the entire infertility journey – its highs and lows. That will make her a better leader when she launches her group next month.

Andy Stanley advised, “Go deep, not wide. Go long, not short. Give effort, not just money.” Eloise has done that. More than once. Her willingness to break racial taboos and respond to people’s suffering with compassionate action has helped bring five babies into the world.

This year, may there be others like her who respond to the growing awareness of infertility by saying, “Yes, I want to help someone.”

http://pregnantwithhope.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/infertility-the-decision-to-do-for-one/

Featured Organization

Thu, 06 Jan 2011 12:00:52 +0000

2010 has come and gone. 2011 is here. This year every month Family Acuity will pick an organization we would like to feature. Each organization featured focuses on infertility and how they can help those suffering through this disease.

Our first featured organization is National Foundation for Fertility Research (NFFR). NFFR is a nonprofit research collaborative dedicated to advancing reproductive medicine through groundbreaking research while creating hope for families who struggle with fertility issues. Not only do they work hard to break new ground in the field of reproductive medicine, they are committed to share their findings with the rest of the reproductive community worldwide.

“ Our Vision

Ultimately, our work gives couples hope that they can one day have a family of their own. We believe progress can’t be made until people understand that infertility is a real disease that needs dedicated funding. Our priority is to educate members of our community about the importance of research, the progress that’s been made so far and that research is the appropriate path to finding a cure

Our Values

We’re not just about research. We’re about putting our research to work. It’s imperative to not just discover new and better ways to treat those with fertility issues, but to circulate that information to the worldwide reproductive medical community. It’s about putting insightful research into practice in time to give one more couple a chance to have a child. We also help those who have successfully undergone fertility treatments understand the importance of staying involved in our cause either through donations and/or education.”

If you’re looking to donate this is a great organization to begin with. Please visit their site and Donate today. Wouldn’t it be great to find cures for the different causes of infertility. Let’s ban together and do something about it.

National Foundation for Fertility Research

http://www.fertilityresearch.org

10290 RidgeGate Circle

Lone Tree, CO 80124

Phone: 303.788.4868

Happy Holidays

Sat, 25 Dec 2010 11:00:43 +0000

The Family Acuity Team

May the good times and treasures of the present become the golden memories of tomorrow. We hope life treats you kind, and we hope you have all you ever dream of, and wish you joy, happiness, peace and prosperity but above all this we wish you…….

The Blessings of Peace
The Beauty of Hope
The Spirit of Love
The Comfort of Faith

With lots of love, joy and happiness. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

The Family Acuity Team

Ending Silence During the Holidays

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 13:00:32 +0000

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukkah are focused on families, sharing, and togetherness. For couples who are struggling to conceive, the holidays can be emotionally brutal, but perhaps this year you should focus on sharing your struggles with those closest to you. Rather than hiding the fact that you are going through fertility treatments, consider telling your family and friends (or at least some of them); not only will you possibly eliminate painful questions like “When are you finally going to have kids?”, but you may also build a support system that will benefit you in the months to come.

The support you receive from family members and friends may not be a cure-all, and many people may not know how to react, but just the knowledge that you no longer have to keep your treatments a secret could make a world of difference. The decision of who to tell should be made on the basis of what is best for you and your partner. If Grandma has a tendency to say hurtful things without thinking about it, perhaps she is best left off the list. On the other hand, your younger cousin could be the perfect person to confide in–when you start to feel upset at a family gathering, she may be able to take your mind off what is upsetting you. Even after the holidays, it couldn’t hurt to have someone you can call when you’re having a bad day.

If you decide to confide in members of your family, a holiday get-together may be a good choice for a time to do it. Depending on your family situation, you should be prepared for a variety of reactions, including awkward silences, advice-giving, or excessive sympathy. While announcing your infertility struggles during dinner may be the easiest way for you to only say it once, but if your sister is also announcing her pregnancy, it may be best to wait until dinner is over. And don’t be afraid to let your family know how you feel; if you don’t want to talk about it for the rest of the night, just say so with confidence and change the topic if it heads in a direction that makes you uncomfortable.

Another ice breaker to bring up the subject is to request your family provide a donation on your behalf for a cause that is near and dear to your heart. Let them know there are non-profit organizations such as RESOLVE, Fertile Dreams, Cade Foundation or B.U.M.P. This would be a great time to discuss what these organizations are for and why they are important to you.

Whether you decide to tell your family and friends about your infertility or not, you should take the time find a local support group made up of couples who have been through or are currently going through the same struggles as you.

Thank You

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 13:00:25 +0000

THANK YOU

By Oprah Winfrey

I live in the space of thankfulness – and I have been rewarded a million times over for it. I started out giving thanks for small things, and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased. That's because what you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it.

Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life. "Say thank you!" Those words from my friend and mentor Maya Angelou turned my life around.

One day about ten years ago, I was sitting in my bathroom with the door closed and the toilet lid down, booing and a hooing on the phone so uncontrollably that I was incoherent. "Stop it! Stop it right now and say thank you!" Maya chided. "But – you don't understand," I sobbed. To this day, I can't remember what it was that had me so far gone, which only proves the point Maya was trying to make. "I do understand," she told me. "I want to hear you say it now….Out loud." "Thank you.'" Tentatively, I repeated it: "Thank you – but what am I saying thank you for?" "You're saying thank you," Maya said, "because your faith is so strong that you don't doubt that whatever the problem, you'll get through it. You're saying thank you because you know that even in the eye of the storm, God has put a rainbow in the clouds. You're saying thank you because you know there's no problem created that can compare to the Creator of all things. Say thank you!" So I did – and still do.

Only now I do it every day. I kept a gratitude journal, as Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests in Simple Abundance, list at least five things that I'm grateful for. My list includes small pleasures: The feel of Kentucky bluegrass under my feet (like damp silk); a walk in the woods with all nine of my dogs and my cocker spaniel Sophie trying to keep up; cooking fried green tomatoes with Stedman and eating them while they're hot; reading a good book and knowing another awaits.

My thank-you list also includes things too important to take for granted: an "okay" mammogram, friends who love me, 25 years at the same job (and loving it more than the first day I started), a chance to share my vision for a better life, staying centered, having financial security. I won't kid you, having money for all the things I want is a blessing. But as I look back over my journals, which I've kept since I was 15 years old, 99 per cent of what brought me real joy had nothing to do with money.(It had a lot to do with food, however.) It's not easy being grateful all the time. But it's when you feel least thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: PERSPECTIVE.

Just knowing you have that daily list to complete allows you to look at your day differently, with an awareness of every sweet gesture and kind thought passed your way. When you learn to say thank you, you see the world anew. And as Meister Eckhart so eloquently stated: "If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'Thank you God, that would suffice." THANK YOU GOD!!!

The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Show: Creating Infertility Awareness in the African-American Community

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 17:42:11 +0000

By Theresa M. Erickson

SAN DIEGO, November 30, 2010: Educating the African-American community about infertility awareness and reproductive health is a passion that unites the two women who will be Theresa Erickson’s upcoming guests on the Thursday, December 2 episode of The Surrogacy Lawyer: Your Guide to IVF and Third Party Family Building. This show will air at 11AM PST/2PM EST on Voice America.

Regina Townsend founded the nonprofit The Broken Brown Egg in 2009 to shine a much-needed spotlight on African American and minority fertility issues. Speaking out about this very personal and private issue has become a catalyst for her thrust into public reproductive health awareness and advocacy. Eloise Drane, one of The Broken Brown Egg’s board members, has been involved in the infertility field for many years as both an egg donor and a gestational surrogate and then in forming her infertility consultancy, Family Acuity, which provides clients with a comprehensive, individualized plan for fulfilling their family vision.

During the radio program, they will be discussing some of the key issues and challenges, including myths and misconceptions, facing African-Americans who are having trouble conceiving and need infertility treatment, as well as what organizations like The Broken Brown Egg and Family Acuity are doing to change the conversation. In addition, they will talk about the role of social media in disseminating information.

“Regina and Eloise are pioneers in infertility and reproductive health advocacy for African-Americans, “ says attorney Erickson. “In making a difference for minority couples and singles, they also are bringing issues to the forefront that affect the entire infertility community. I applaud their efforts and looks forward to our discussion.”

http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vshow.aspx?sid=1767

http://thebrokenbrownegg.org/